Now I feel really pissed. Need to write somewhere. Why here? Don't even ask, cuz I just don't even know myself. Maybe because nobody's gonna answer back, nobody cares at all, nobody's gonna betray me. I'm just thinking alone, listening to both depressing songs and brutal ones, alone in front of a stupid laptop screen.
I count in months, soon in years. I'm alone. And obviously nobody to tell. There's a couple of ears avalaible around me, but the ones I'd like to catch the attenrion keep stupidly closed. And I know deep inside of me that the others opened to me are nothing but mere illusions. We're bound to be alone.
A vicious circle. I'm losing control. I'm falling down, and I know that the only arms I'd hope to fall into won't listen to my cries, won't be aware of my situation. Because they don't pay attention anymore. I'm nothing but a memory, a ghost that they wish to forget for ever, because my shadow is too painful to remember, as painful as theirs. Or they just don't dare getting to know me better. So I'm bleeding in silence, I throw up my pain & my loneliness everyday, sometimes every hours. And it's a reality so hard to admit. Reality is a bitch.
I'd give anything to rewind, rewind, rewind, rewind, rewind. On my lips are written those words of scare and those screams, those smiles, those kisses, those hugs, those hopes, those dreams, those memories which get me sick to death. And I'm tired of hoping, tired of dreaming, tired of fighting any longer for nothing in the end. Thoughts are destroying my brain, little by little. And everything is burning and collapsing around me.
People always leave. People always lie. People always hide.
I wish you were not part of these people.
